This morning… as every other morning, I wake to soak up the morning light. As every other morning, I go straight to bathroom. Naked. Unlike every other morning, my routine is different this morning. I stop and look at myself in the mirror before letting water touch my skin to cleanse it. Before those covers are applied and fused into my skin. This is me. This is who I am.
Staring at the colors of bruises and scars that will soon be covered with foundation, concealer and powder. It does not hurt at all when I touch it. But the hurt that comes from heart through vein is unbearable. Too much, until tears just won’t fall anymore. It’s cold outside as well… but I can’t feel it.
I step into the shower and turn on the tap…feeling every drop of cold water on every inch of my skin. Same amount of hurt from within bursts out as the cold water pours from head to toe. As I see the water and my tears gushing down onto the shower floor, I can’t tell which amount is bigger. Water drops or tear drops. Whichever it is, able to make a bigger hole in me.
I am standing in front of the mirror again… still with the same bruises and scars. With the same humiliation and hurt. I fix every bruise and scar with all the make-up technique that I’ve learnt. As bruises and scars get covered, I begin to smile.. slightly. One last blush of pink will hide everything, including myself. I am about to put my lipstick when you come.
“Are you ready Babe?”
“Yes..” I replied with a smile.