Bits and pieces, am no good at puzzle
Seek every meaning of it, said I lost the picture
Watch and let things arranged while am a verdict of deaf
Absorbing and sensing each piece seems to fail its content
Hard effort is meaningless though it means to be in the same level
Stars are there for dreamers to catch
Moon is there to guide the wanderers
Although night is able to be shifted into day…
What lies in dreams will guide us there…
Selamat tidur wahai pengembara malam…
Walau bukan tempat dan waktumu untuk tidur
Setidaknya rebahkanlah ragamu
Serahkan segala kalbu
Bukan untuk menjadi lemah, tetapi mengisi gairah
Agar dapat terbakar keesokan hari dengan jiwa yang lantang..
I have never been this afraid…
To hear chirping birds
I used to smile and laugh..
When hearing their crazy tunes
Those beautiful tunes slowly lost its sound
Many times questions and comments aroused
Unlike the old days…
Sense has seemed to lost its way..
It kills the roots of trees near by
The leafs are not as green as before..
Confusion led to cautious thoughts
Where cautious sense are also being mold
Between the birds..
Between the trees..
Amongst the leafs..
How those tunes still beautifully sounded
How I still wanting to hear those tunes
How I miss to hear those squeaky chirps…
Without loosing its sense of wits..
Rain rain.. go away..
Come again another day
We’re not little children who want to come and play..
We’re human being that has routines and spontaneity
It is not about wearing thick clothes
It is not about using umbrella as well
But how you greet us every day..
Cause an event where our routines can’t continue
How you greet us every day
Cause our spontaneity at ease
How you greet us every day
Remind us how we behave unfair towards the city
And still…. we blame you and the system that’s running
Oh rain… please go away…
Spare us from the constant reminder that we refuse to admit
Oh rain.. please go away…
We just want our routines and spontaneity
Without obstacles, selfishly
It would’ve been nice if words able to sing fluently as pygmy
It would’ve been nice if mouth is as polite as the lady
It would’ve been nice if tongue is as flexible as vertebrate
It would’ve been nice if a voice able to impersonate images without mislead
It would’ve been nice if brain stimulates thing spontaneously as Liz Gilbert decision
It would’ve been nice if emotion does not attached to the heart so wouldn’t easily torn
It would’ve been nice if vein does not deliver directly brain and emotions into mouth
It would’ve been nice if ears able to hear tranquillize notes from other
It just would’ve been nice if other would’ve done the same..
But other is not the same… although.. it would’ve just been nice to have simple things such those..
This morning… as every other morning, I wake to soak up the morning light. As every other morning, I go straight to bathroom. Naked. Unlike every other morning, my routine is different this morning. I stop and look at myself in the mirror before letting water touch my skin to cleanse it. Before those covers are applied and fused into my skin. This is me. This is who I am.
Staring at the colors of bruises and scars that will soon be covered with foundation, concealer and powder. It does not hurt at all when I touch it. But the hurt that comes from heart through vein is unbearable. Too much, until tears just won’t fall anymore. It’s cold outside as well… but I can’t feel it.
I step into the shower and turn on the tap…feeling every drop of cold water on every inch of my skin. Same amount of hurt from within bursts out as the cold water pours from head to toe. As I see the water and my tears gushing down onto the shower floor, I can’t tell which amount is bigger. Water drops or tear drops. Whichever it is, able to make a bigger hole in me.
I am standing in front of the mirror again… still with the same bruises and scars. With the same humiliation and hurt. I fix every bruise and scar with all the make-up technique that I’ve learnt. As bruises and scars get covered, I begin to smile.. slightly. One last blush of pink will hide everything, including myself. I am about to put my lipstick when you come.
“Are you ready Babe?”
“Yes..” I replied with a smile.